Everyone Is New, Sometime

For some of us, attending a kink party for the first time is a nervous and intimidating experience. My first time was with a spanking group that used to be well known in the DC area. I’d found the group through the Internet, and after following many of the discussions in their online group for months, I was invited to attend one of their parties. I even had something of an invitation to meet one young lady at the party, to see if there might be some spark or chemistry. I’ll call her M.

That was before I had GPS of any kind in my car. On a Friday evening, with the usual traffic, I drove from DC through the wilds of Virginia, to somewhere near the West Virginia line. My stomach was churning from nerves. My palms were sweating, and I probably soaked my shirt through with perspiration. I was still married to the ex-from-hell, so getting out for an evening like that was something new for me. I knew I would need to be home by midnight, but had not anticipated how far the drive would be.

The party was well underway when I arrived. I went into the house, introduced myself to a few people and found the young lady I had been chatting with.  I was instantly overwhelmed with a case of the shy. She was warmly welcoming, as were many people there that night; the problem was not with them, it was with me. People in various stages of undress, as well as some dressed in kink attire, were there, many of them sitting around the edges of the room watching the few people who were playing.

Of course, the group had at least one showoff, who was with three submissives; I’ll call him BD.  He was working on being the center of attention in the room, with a lot of gear, numerous toy bags, etc., and was occupying the center of the floor, spanking his trio of submissives and regaling what was clearly an audience with his tales of expertise and braggadocio.

I was so new to the scene that I didn’t really know the difference between a bottom, a submissive, or a slave. When BD said that M was his slave but that I was welcome to play with her, I found myself even more shy. I just couldn’t.

It was very much like that old Three Dog Night Song, “Mama Told Me Not To Come.” [http://youtu.be/rKaQzQAlNn4]  The pheromones were rich and high, but the fear must have been there too. I was scared half to death.

I stayed about an hour, feeling out of place, and as though I’d come to the wrong place. I didn’t play with M, despite the invitation from BD to play with her, and her welcoming some play with me. I didn’t play with anyone else, either. I wasn’t the only one not playing; most of the people seemed to be there to socialize and watch. Eventually, I made my excuse of having to be home by a certain time, and drove the two hours home in the dark. All the way I was wondering what it was really all about, because it was not a lot of fun for me, being at that party. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for the kink scene?

Quite some time went by before I tried another public experience in kink. I had one afternoon of wild passion in private with a lady I met through one of the other Internet dating sites for kinky people. That was spectacular, but a one-off with her. Fortunately, my next public scene was a lot of fun, involving the Crucible, a medical stapler, and a lovely, experienced bottom who offered to teach me in my first real introduction to the fun part of bdsm play at a club.


Fiddle is a Top, sometimes a Switch, and a kinkster who volunteers from time to time as a Dungeon Monitor for the Crucible, Black Rose, and the Baltimore Playhouse. He is married to Redhotlips, and they are carefully, and cautiously poly, although they don’t generally join others as a couple, preferring to experience their poly others independently. Fiddle is a photographer, writer, and has worked for more than 30 years at multiple publications. Some images from his kink and nude portfolio can be seen on his Fetlife profile at: https://fetlife.com/users/12395