Things I Wish I Knew

We all have regrets or things we would have done differently in life with more information or experience. This is a running list of collected quotes from kinky people of all stripes and experience levels as to what they would share with themselves first exploring BDSM. This list will grow and be added to as time passes and more people contribute.

When discussing your wants and needs you need to say what it is you need, not what you think your partner wants to hear. Even if it isn’t entirely comfortable having needs out on the table is the only way they are going to get met.” – X

Don’t try to fit yourself into a vanilla relationship if they won’t accept you as a Kinkster. Find some who is also a Kinkster with whom you are compatible and share interests with or at least receptive to such as relationship. That would have saved me a lot of heartache and money.” – Kinky Teddybear

Just because one partner didn’t get it or thought your kink was weird/scary, don’t stop trying to find someone who will support you in it, or make yourself fit into a vanilla relationship, if its not what you want.” – Megh

I am responsible for my own emotions and my own responses. Good days are good because I made them so, bad days are bad because I allowed them to be. If I am jealous, I need to address it first within myself. If I am angry, I need to address it first within myself. Once I have addressed it within myself, I am responsible for communicating those feelings to my partners. Conversely, if someone else is upset, angry, or jealous, they need to work through those emotions and be responsible for those feelings. I cannot do it for them.” – LucyMarshall

Do not pigeonhole yourself into one specific role. It is OK to not know exactly where you fit when you begin exploring kink. As you progress you will learn much about yourself, what you like, what you do not like, and who you are.” – Lana Kazanova

Be brave. Be honest. Take risks. You’d be surprised how often people give you what you want when you are brave enough to ask.” – Eagle Eye


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