If you are new to the BDSM community you may have seen the website Fetlife listed. It may be intimidating or you may not be familiar about it, but it has become an invaluable tool for those involved in BDSM.
What is Fetlife?
Fetlife is a social network, it is a place where kinky people go to find out what is going on in their local community, a place to share discussions with like minded individuals, a place to discuss interests with people that have similar interests as yourself. Whatever you are into there is pretty good odds there is a group on Fetlife for it.
What is Fetlife Not?
Fetlife is not a dating site. While some people do connect through it, it is not a profile site like okcupid or match.com. It is far more focused around networking and interaction then it is around hooking up. It is also not a
Will I be Outed?
One of the common concerns with a site like fetlife is that you will be outed to your friends and colleagues. You decide how much personal information you put up. While some people will want to see a face picture you don’t have to have one. You don’t have to put anything out there about yourself that you don’t want to. The more you share the more people can get to know you, but only share pictures or information that you are comfortable with strangers seeing. Keep in mind the number one rule with social networking sites, once it is out there you can’t control it. Just about everyone on the site is on there for the same reason you are. As long as you don’t put your real name you won’t have other people stumbling on you.
How do I get to know people?
Keep in mind that fetlife is a social networking site. If you only lurk people won’t get to know you. If you want to make connections get involved, find groups on there that appeal to your interests and get involved with the discussions. If you see people that are interesting, send them a message. You don’t have to be on all the time, but you do need to engage if you want others to engage with you. It can be an amazing tool to get to know people and to make friends but remember you need to take steps to engage as well.
What should I have in my profile?
Sating this up front, do not just have pictures of your genitals as your exclusive photos or your profile picture. Everyone has seen that before and it comes across as just wanting to get laid. On the same token, your username is something that tells the world about you and how you will be perceived. “420luvspussy” or “assman69” while maybe slightly catchy will immediately make a large number of the people on the site turn you off if you reach out to them. You want to stand out in a positive light or at least be innocuous. Be honest about what you are looking for and your level of experience. Being new is not a bad thing and it is far better to be up front about it rather then trying to pretend you are more experienced then you are.
What you have on your profile, the groups you are members of, what you have written all say things about you. Do not hide what you are into, finding compatible partners and friends is the goal of a site like that. But keep in mind if all you have on your profile is links to casual sex groups that will give a specific impression to anyone who views your profile. Be honest about what you are looking for and what you want. Don’t feel you need to out yourself or do a face pic if you don’t want to have one up either. Some people won’t respond if your face is not visible, but if you don’t feel comfortable having it don’t get pressured into putting up more then you want to show the world.