Welcome To BDSM

OK- So maybe you were like me growing up, and your bad Barbies got put into GI Joe prison camp, and the ones that couldn’t be rehabbed successfully were sent to the My Little Pony’s Paddock of Doom- but even in the S&M world, people like me are kind of rare, so I am going to assume you had a different beginning.  Your beginning may have been the spanking scene in “McClintock!”, it may have been the dumpster diving scene in “The Secretary”, it may have been as you drooled over Exit to Eden or even Fifty Shades of Grey.  You may have even started by reading Bambi and Thumper fan fiction – your beginnings, no matter how that stirring started, landed you here.   Welcome to reality. The people you are going to meet, interact with, talk to, laugh with in the BDSM scene aren’t bendable figurines or fictional characters.  We’re people. I have friends that I met through S&M that range from 20 years old to older than my grandmother. We’re fat, we’re thin, we are professionals, we are students, we are gay, straight, pansexual, asexual, graysexual, queer, political, unemployed, retired- we are a huge cross section of humanity that have one thing in common.  We are into some form (or lots and lots of forms) of BDSM.

• BDSM- well, what the heck does that mean.  Quite simply, it means you get turned on or excited by one or more of the following blanket concepts:
• Bondage – you like seeing people tied up, you like tying people up or you like being tied up.
• Dominance- This can mean a lot of things but generally- you like taking control and the lead.
• Submission- This can mean a lot of things, but generally- you like giving up control.
• Sadism- Acts in which a person derives pleasure from giving pain- physical, mental or emotional.
• Masochism- Acts in which a person derives pleasure from receiving pain- physical, mental or emotional.
• Kinks – Things that stand out from the norm that get you excited.

Over simplified?  Absolutely!  I can’t even begin to list all of the things that fall into these categories- but this is about discussing the introduction to BDSM, so just understand that I am leaving thousands of various forms of kink and various theoretical debates out of the picture. There- that was my disclaimer.  My other disclaimer is that when it comes to the more involved discussions, the more involved forms of kink and the more involved types of play, there are a lot of people out there who know far more than I do, and I appreciate the things they know.  You may get to the point where you appreciate what they know too.  So, why are you hearing from me? My voice is valuable when it comes to beginners.

Now, you’ve gotten as far as interest, but have yet to get your feet wet- what do you do?  Research!  No. Seriously. Do your research. Bambi and Thumper fan fiction doesn’t count as research. Don’t just find an S&M club, walk in, and drop to your knees in front of the most dominant, leather-clad man you can find, and expect him to do exactly what your fantasies have imagined. That, my friend, is a recipe for disaster (and you’ll be talked about for years to come). Do your research. Do go to that S&M club on a 101 night or a night specifically geared towards beginners. Do look at going to munches. Do find people to talk to. Can’t find people to talk to?  You found this website!  How have you not found Fetlife yet?! Join. Find munches. Find those BDSM clubs that are out there. Go. Introduce yourself as a human being to those other human beings who are out there. Say hello. Look around. This is part of research. You may be too overwhelmed to play- that’s alright!  This is about research. Not ready for that yet?  That’s alright- there’s other research you can do!